the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
