im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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