i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
