Please, let me fuck your mom
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize