you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
why is half of my head shaved?
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