Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
