Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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