she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
