Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
