I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
