Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
they're like a gay fantastic four
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
