as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
