My friends, they love my intelligence
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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