I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
