I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
