the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
