i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize