I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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