Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
