just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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