a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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