I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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