I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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