Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
