come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
