evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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