I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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