Cold hands, warm shart.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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