So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
