whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
