This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
