I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
