I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
