you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
