yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
