I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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