Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
