I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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