I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
