Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
