He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize