To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
