but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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