I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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