my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
