I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
It's just like the Real World with babies
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
