Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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