Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Randomize
