how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
