I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
