I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
