Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Randomize
