you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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