fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
