I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
