Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
