im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
