funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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