I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Quick, to the slutcave!
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
