Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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