Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
