If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
