Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
