Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
