now i know why i became what i already was.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
