he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
