It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
