you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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