I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
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