Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
