Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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