ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize