i don't plan on having that self control this summer
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
