That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
