she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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