i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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