You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Randomize
