Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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