We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
